|
E-mail this page to a friend!
Aging Does Not End Sex, Relationships, Says Expert
Sept. 21, 2005 - Sex isn't the exclusive playground
for the young, but a quality of life issue that continues well after age
50, a University of Michigan expert says in her new book. Older adults
desire fun, excitement and passion in relationships and sex, often
associated with one's younger years.
However, the stigma in the culture and lack of
education about sexuality contribute to less openness and awareness
among senior citizens and many Baby Boomers, says Sallie Foley, an
adjunct professor in the School of Social Work.
"Couples will discuss their finances, taxes and
death, but can't find the words to talk about sex," said Foley, who
wrote "Sex & Love for Grownups: A No-Nonsense Guide to a Life of
Passion."
Foley, who co-authored "Sex Matters for Women: A
Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self," has been a certified
sex therapist at the U-M Health Systems Sexual Health Counseling
Services since 1985. The new book resulted from a column about love and
sexuality for older adults that she writes for AARP The Magazine.
Whether it's feeling ashamed or embarrassed,
couples do not discuss love, relationship and sex, she said. They use
euphemisms rather than communicating honestly with each other, she said.
Some older adults also don't know where to obtain relationship
information specific to their situation. When they do find this
informationa magazine article about sex, for examplethey do not know
how to broach the subject with their partners, Foley said.
"People are hungry for practical advice in dating
and sex, as well as resolving long-standing arguments," Foley said.
She offered six guidelines to vitality in
relationships in her book:
Live a life of connections. "Even if a perfect
love eludes you, making sure that you have a wallet full of photos of
family and friends will give meaning to your life," she said.
Don't be afraid to try something new. If you
continue to see yourself as an adventurer, or if you've never taken a
risk to try new things, now's the time. "After 50, exactly what are you
waiting for?"
Expect your relationships to be like your car. No
matter how much time and care you devote to your vehicle, it still
occasionally breaks down and always needs maintenance. Relationships are
like that, too. "Sometimes, things will not go your way even in the best
of relationships," she said.
Abandon either/or thinking. Life is complex, and
thinking in rigid yes and no categories will often fail you. In order to
respond to relationships and their complexity, think of diversity,
plurality and many possible solutions to a problem. "If you think of 10
different ways to handle a problem, none will be perfect," she said.
"Perfect is part of either/or thinking."
Take time to celebrate. Ask people what they love
about life and they'll tell you it's the very ordinariness of life that
is spectacular about living. After a crisis, what really counts is the
restoration of normalcy.
Love. "This is where the words end and life
beginsin loving," Foley said. "When you're loving, you relinquish the
need for perfection and focus on what's real."
More health care workers, such as doctors and
therapists, offer guidance and dialog with older patients by initiating
conversations about healthy sexual functioning and also the risk of
sexually transmitted diseases. Foley said older adults are at high risk
for contracting STD's because they don't use condoms, thinking they're
beyond the need for contraception.
Foley said people over 50 face similar challenges,
such as overcoming fears of rejection, as their younger counterparts
when it involves dating or dealing with long-term relationships. "Life
never stops being complex for older adults. It's sometimes drama-ridden,
but never ever dull," she said.
Today's older Americans are active, whether it's
working a full-time job, volunteering at non-profit organizations or
traveling throughout the country, Foley stated. "They see themselves as
a vital, active resource, and they don't want life passing them by," she
said.
For more information on Foley, visit:
http://www.ssw.umich.edu/faculty/profile-smfoley.html
Click to More Senior News on the
Front Page
Copyright: SeniorJournal.com |
