Contrary to Widely Held Beliefs, Romance Can Last In
Long-Term Relationships, Says Study
Researchers find romance with intensity, sexual
interest and engagement among older people
March 18, 2009 - Romance does not have to fizzle
out in long-term relationships and progress into a
companionship/friendship-type love. A new study finds long-term romantic
love (with intensity, sexual interest, and engagement, but without the
obsessive element common in new relationships), appears to be a real
phenomenon that can last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier
relationships.
"Many believe that romantic love is the same as
passionate love," said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, PhD, then at
Stony Brook University (currently at University of California, Santa
Barbara).
"It isn't. Romantic love has the intensity,
engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the
obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of
uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter
relationships but not the longer ones."
The researchers report their analysis suggests that
romantic love, without the obsession component typical of early stage
romantic love, can and does exist in long-term marriages, and is
associated with marital satisfaction, well-being, and high self-esteem.
These findings appear in the March issue of
Review of General Psychology, published by the American
Psychological Association.
Acevedo and co-researcher Arthur Aron, PhD,
reviewed 25 studies with 6,070 individuals in short- and long-term
relationships to find out whether romantic love is associated with more
satisfaction. To determine this, they classified the relationships in
each of the studies as romantic, passionate (romantic with obsession) or
friendship-like love and categorized them as long- or short-term.
The researchers looked at 17 short-term
relationship studies, which included 18- to 23-year-old college students
who were single, dating or married, with the average relationship
lasting less than four years.
They also looked at 10 long-term relationship
studies comprising middle-aged couples who were typically married 10
years or more. Two of the studies included both long- and short-term
relationships in which it was possible to distinguish the two samples.
The review found that those who reported greater
romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term
relationships. Companion-like love was only moderately associated with
satisfaction in both short- and long-term relationships. And those who
reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more
satisfied in the short term compared to the long term.
A 1984 study used by the researchers found that
women, aged 50 to 82, in long-term relationships (33 years or more)
reported high levels of passionate love (described as a wildly emotional
state, with tender and sexual feelings, elation and pain, anxiety and
relief), although slightly lower levels than compared with women in
shorter relationships.
Couples who reported more satisfaction in their
relationships also reported being happier and having higher self-esteem.
Feeling that a partner is "there for you" makes for
a good relationship, Acevedo said, and facilitates feelings of romantic
love.
On the other hand, "feelings of insecurity are
generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may
spark conflict in the relationship. This can manifest into obsessive
love," she said.
This discovery may change people's expectations of
what they want in long-term relationships. According to the authors,
companionship love, which is what many couples see as the natural
progression of a successful relationship, may be an unnecessary
compromise.
"Couples should strive for love with all the
trimmings," Acevedo said. "And couples who've been together a long time
and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable
goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion."
The authors acknowledge their findings could also
be distressing for long-term couples who have achieved a kind of
contented, even happy - but not intensely romantic - status quo,
assuming it is the best anyone can expect.
Yet, the write, a shocking recognition of
possibilities, that a long-term marriage does not necessarily kill the
romance in ones relationship, may give some couples the inspiration
they need, even if challenging, to make changes that will enhance their
relationship quality (and thus general well being).
Source information:
Article: "Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill
Romantic Love?" Bianca P. Acevedo, PhD, and Arthur Aron, PhD, Stony
Brook University; Review of General Psychology, Vol. 13, No. 1.
March 18, 2009 - Romance does not have to fizzle
out in long-term relationships and progress into a
companionship/friendship-type love. A new study finds long-term romantic
love (with intensity, sexual interest, and engagement, but without the
obsessive element common in new relationships), appears to be a real
phenomenon that can last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier
relationships.
