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Opinion on Retirement
Five Golden Rules for the Golden Years:
Learned in One Year of Retirement
A thoughtful look at finding a rewarding
retirement.
By Diann DePasquale,
retired educator
July 17, 2006 - “As you get older you have to find
new things you want to say.” So replied Martin Scorsese as he was
interviewed following his impressive American Masters PBS Special,
No Direction Home about Bob Dylan. It was a great show and a
powerful example of the workings of a creative genius. Hard to consider
Scorsese a senior citizen, but he is just that. And yes, he certainly
still has new things he wants to say. For more than a year now, I have been blissfully
retired. It has been a time of discovery, and the person I am
discovering is me.
So, here’s what I have learned and am learning, and
what I recommend to the rest of you whose anthem is Dylan’s Like a
Rolling Stone. These are my five golden rules for the golden
years:
1.
Find New Things to Say.
2.
Get Active.
3.
Discover a Place you Love.
4.
Give Something Back.
5.
Spend Time with Those You Cherish.
1. Find New
Things to Say.
Jimmy Buffet told Jane Pauley that he wrote a page
a day to finish his recent best seller, A Salty Piece of Land.
Yes, it’s true, Mr. Margaritaville is joining the rest of us Baby
Boomers who have become senior citizens.
When I heard Mr. Buffet describe his page a day
strategy, I knew I could write a paragraph a day. This article
represents a new direction for me, and my way of saying new things. I
always wrote, but never for me. I wrote memos, letters, composed grant
applications, and completed state and federal forms. But now, when I’m
done answering my e-mail, I make sure to write a paragraph a day. And
guess what - I have become lost in my writing.
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I find that two or three hours have passed as I
spend time in my soul work, and I like what I have to say. So far, I
have published two of my articles and I just like Mr. Scorsese, I feel
that I still have new things to say.
As I watched the movie, Million Dollar Baby,
I became intrigued with the notion that this inspiring and deeply
touching movie was made by the same man who made the Dirty Harry movies.
Quite a change in what Clint Eastwood had to say.
On May 31, 2005, Clint turned 75. As he held his
two Oscars for Baby, he said, “I’m just a kid, I’ve still
got a lot of stuff to do.” How inspiring for all of us, that Clint still
has so much to say and that what he says can make all our days.
I recently had the pleasure of seeing Tony Bennett
at the Hollywood Bowl. Every one of us knew we were seeing a legend.
His stories and banter convinced us it was so. He told the story of
being in the audience when Frank Sinatra was performing, and being
surrounded by swooning young women. Frank began a song, and said, Hey,
Tony, I know you can do this better, come on up here.” He, of course
did, because everyone did what Frank told them to do.
Tony Bennett at age 69 had a resurgence of
popularity when he took his son’s advice and appeared on MTV unplugged.
In his autobiography, The Good Life, he said, “It was a
triumphant evening for me in every respect. We released the album of the
evening’s performance, and Tony Bennett: MTV Unplugged
became the biggest selling album of my entire career.” A new generation
of fans fell in love with his music and his sound.
Few know, however, that Tony is a gifted painter,
and continues to improve as an artist even today. Apparently, Tony has
something to say both with his music and his art.
2. Get Active.
On December 11, 2005, Chita Rivera opened on
Broadway with Chita Rivera: A Dancer’s Life. Miss Rivera
is 72 years old, and she’s still hoofing it! She worked with the best
choreographers: Jack Cole, Jerome Robbins and Bob Fosse and she
acknowledges them in her show. Maybe few of us will be able to perform
at that level at that age, but fitness for seniors is pushing the bounds
of what is doable.
In Strength Training Past 50, the
authors identify a number of reasons for adults over 50 to begin working
with weights: It maintains muscle and metabolism, reduces body fat,
increases bone mineral density, lowers blood pressure and more!
I just came home from my first yoga class. I have
been taking all kinds of fitness classes, but this is a first for yoga
and I loved it! I noticed quite a few gray hairs in the group, and our
instructor promised us we would all be proficient in a decade or so.
In my retirement, I have become something of a gym
rat. Having worked for more than 30 years, it’s hard to get out of the
routine of being up and at-it every day. But now, I’m up and at-it at
the gym. And I’m not alone. I have my friends in my body works class, my
buddies in water aerobics, and soon will have my yoga group, too.
I have just heard a report that women who exercise
just 3 hours per week, are 50% less likely to die of cancer. I retired
as a school administrator, and I was used to working long days and long
weeks. I would like to say that I am now content to sit around the
house, but old habits die hard.
When I worked, I got up at 5:30, got dressed, and
dashed out with a cup of coffee in hand. I still get up early (sort of)
since my husband continues to work (foolish man!). So instead of
dressing in those uncomfortable shoes, and (gasp) panty hose, I now
throw on my comfortable work out attire, my Nikes and head to the gym.
Some days I do weight training, some days I have water aerobics, and
some days I work out on the machines; at least half the time, I bring my
husband along so we keep each other motivated. I have lost weight, but
more importantly dropped my blood pressure 20 points!!
So get moving – find something you enjoy, or just
have fun with the new friends you will make. Try ballroom dancing, the
latest craze, get in a pool, or lower your stress with Yoga. Whatever
you choose, I guarantee you will be less depressed, look better, and
have more energy. But when your head does hit the pillow, guess what –
you will fall asleep faster and deeper thanks to exercise.
3. Find a Place
You Love.
We just visited the Hearst Castle and had the
wonderful opportunity to see the IMAX movie, Building the Dream
about William Randolph Hearst. Now it is a stretch to imagine many of us
will build a castle in our later years, but at age 56 Hearst began his
work with Architect Julia Morgan to create his castle on his beloved
Central California coast.
My castle is much smaller than Hearst’s, but my
favorite spot is Cambria, California, just 6 miles south of Hearst
Castle. Yes, I know we are lucky to have picked such a beautiful place
when we bought our lot 20 years ago. At that time, Cambria was a
charming yet funky place, with a local combo that played on the corner
every weekend just for a few dollars dropped in a hat. Now that same
corner is home to upscale restaurants, galleries, and pricey shops.
I have had the pleasure of spending the last year
and a half fixing up our house there, and I have even taken an interior
design class at our local community college. Along with my husband,
family, and friends, we have painted, changed light fixtures, replanted
the yard, and more.
OK, it’s lots easier to con your friends and family
into paint weekends when the place is beautiful with a view of the ocean
and elephant seals as your neighbor up the road.
There are so many ways to find that spot you love.
We recently visited a beautiful RV park in Palm Springs, adjacent to a
golf course. We were amazed to see the Canadian Maple Leaf flying beside
the American flag until we realized that most of the campers there were
Canadians wintering in sunny California. They were golfing, enjoying the
pool, having bridge afternoons, and just plain celebrating life.
Maybe the place you love, is the coffeehouse around
the corner where you can fix all the problems of the world with some
friends from the neighborhood. My own parents left Southern California
to live in a home on the edge of Puget Sound in Olympia, Washington.
They never complained about the rain. The beauty of the trees, the sun
gleaming off the water, and the sound of the rain at night as they
curled up under a down coverlet were worthwhile trade-offs for them. So
get out a map, and use your imagination. There’s no telling where you
might end up!
4. Give Something
Back
As I watched the coverage of Hurricane Katrina, I
was struck by the number of senior citizens who gave their time and
talent to help evacuees get back on their feet. It was gratifying to see
them rejoice along with the survivors when a family member had been
located, or services provided. When you have enjoyed a fulfilling
career, and monetary comforts, you gain so much from giving back. Bill
Clinton summed it up for People magazine by saying that after being
President… “you’ve got three choices: just play golf, spend the rest of
your life wishing you were still President- or find a new and exciting
life.”
In fact, two of the most effective fundraisers have
been Presidents Bush and Clinton both for the Tsunami, and for Hurricane
Katrina.
I have had the pleasure of being involved with my
daughter who is a fire captain for the Los Angeles Fire Department. She
has been teaching and coordinating a fire academy for high school cadets
who learn the basics of firefighting and emergency services at six-week
Saturday morning classes conducted at community colleges in the LA area.
The students learn discipline, fire science and just plain hard work.
Many of the high schoolers are minority and female, and may never have
considered a career in fire science without this excellent and rewarding
training, which culminates in an impressive graduation where cadets in
sharp LAFD navy-blue shirts, line up in perfect formation, conduct their
drills, and demonstrate for mom, dad, grandpa and grandma everything
they have learned in the academy. I burst with pride seeing my daughter
in her dress uniform handing out certificates of completion to each
graduate, and I have begun serving as chair of a board that supports
this fine work by raising funds, and encouraging local businesses to get
involved in this opportunity to make a difference in young people’s
lives.
5. Spend time
with those you Cherish.
Me and my two Sues. Since high school, I always met
with my two best friends, both named Sue, to celebrate our birthdays.
Oh, we got together more than that, but celebrating our birthdays with
dinner and silly gifts was a sacred ritual to us.
And then in the last ten years something happened.
Divorces and remarriages intervened, the loss of a child, and illness
separated us. So when I retired last year, I made a pledge to get us
back together. I have been meeting my one Sue monthly for lunch, and a
few weeks ago we brought the other Sue back from Arizona and we had a
delightful get-together at a great restaurant in Pasadena. It was as if
we had just seen each other yesterday. We caught up on our kids, talked
about our sisters and brothers, and just picked up where we left off
some ten years ago.
I just finished reading Jane Fonda’s book, My
Life So Far. She has led an amazing and diverse life. After four
very different men in her life, beginning with her father, and then
moving on to three very strong and distinct husbands, she is now living
alone and loving it. She has just completed a funny movie, Monster
in Law, and it has been a hit at the box office. What she finds
most rewarding, however, is the time she has now with her grandkids and
her cherished friends.
In fact, in a recent Newsweek there is an entire
section devoted to heart health. What they are finding is that laughter
and optimism can help improve your health almost as much as diet and
exercise. What heart expert, Dr. Dean Ornish, reports is that,
“Loneliness fosters cardiovascular disease. …companionship affects not
only the quality of our lives, but our survival.”
His work has found that, “people who feel lonely
are many times more likely to get cardiovascular disease than those who
have a strong sense of connection and community.” So here’s a lesson –
pick up the phone and call that friend to make a date for lunch or
better yet, go walking together.
Start a morning exercise group in your
neighborhood, volunteer for the Red Cross, or your local political
party. Reconnect with your spouse, and find things to do together. Being
alone, is not just bad for you, it can kill you. So take the first step
– and keep walking into a healthy, happy and rewarding last third of
your life!
Blythe Danner is the first person to have been
nominated for three Emmy awards in the same year - 2005. She is 62. When
she won this year as best supporting actress for Huff, she accepted the
award with her usual style and grace, and said that her husband must be
up there saying put the old gal to work.
As we Baby Boomers age, I know that many of us will
be put to work. It has been said, that we are having a hard time aging
and think of ourselves as just kids. The era of our youth was a time of
cultural upheaval, and it looks like our golden years will be the same,
for just as Dylan sang, we are a generation of rolling stones.
About Dr. Diann DePasquale
Dr. DePasquale worked 31
years in education before retiring as Assistant Superintendent of
Education Services in the Castaid Union School District in in the Santa
Clarita Valley of Southern California. Her PhD in education was earned
at UCSB. She is married with two children and two grandchildren and
lives in Ventura, California, with an occasional sojourn to her vacation
home in Cambria or another visit to Italy, which she describes as her
"current passion."
References she used:
People magazine. P. 79. September 26, 2005. Time,
Inc.
Newsweek magazine. October 3, 2005. Volume CXLVI.
No. 14. Newsweek, Inc.
Strength training past 50. Wayne L. Wescott,
Thomas R. Baechle. 1998. Human Kinetics. Champaign, Illinois.
Thompson, Douglas. Clint Eastwood billion dollar
man. 2005. John Blake Publishing Ltd. London, England.
Bennett, Tony. The Good Life. 1998. Pocket Books.
New York, New York.
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