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Borrowing from the Golden Arches:
Retirement - I’m Lovin’ It!
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Bill Kalmar is retired in
Lake Orion, Michigan. He spent much of his career with a Fortune
500 Company and then was named director of the Michigan Quality
Council. He retired in 2003. He has been married to Mary for 41
years. They have three children – Cathy, MaryJo and Bill – and
11 grandchildren. |
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By Bill Kalmar, retired
Aug. 1, 2005 - Many senior citizens approach their
golden years and retirement with trepidation. Not me. I retired two
years ago after forty years in the business world and am now looking
forward to my next forty years in a lifestyle filled with excitement,
fulfillment and a schedule of my own making. Each day is a new
adventure and I’m ecstatic to be going along for the ride! Permit me to
enumerate just some of the highpoints of being retired:
No more dealing with jerks in the workplace. I now
live and function in a jerk-free environment!
Forget about being politically correct. As a
senior citizen, I can now speak my true convictions. As such, people
don’t take offense – they just think that I’m a nut job!
No more ridiculous training classes where you do
clever things like putting your shoes on opposite feet to equate that
function with “change” so that you can more fully understand how to cope
with it in your work environment. Come on! This is just ridiculous! I
should know – I taught it for years!
Retirement has allowed me to train for and compete
in triathlons where I have even won my age group on several occasions.
Not hard to do when you are in the “60 to death” age group!
Now I can visit usually crowded tourist attractions on the weekdays
when no one but my fellow seniors are present – and heck, I can outrun
and out walk most of them so I always manage to get to the front!
No more strategic planning meetings where most of
the time we never followed the plans anyway. Operating off the seat of
your pants always was more appealing and unquestionably that method beat
“the plan” every time!
And forget about composing and delivering
performance reviews, which frankly are a nuisance. Employees don’t
alter their work habits unless their health insurance covers
lobotomies. I can attest to the ineffectiveness of performance reviews
because I used to teach that nonsense. As such, progressive
organizations are opting for “Results Reviews”.
No more coming in Monday morning and asking the
worn out question: “How was your weekend”?, followed by the usual mind
numbing response - - “It was fine.” Frankly, I never cared how
someone spent his or her weekend!
Golf – golf – golf!
And let’s not overlook those discounts for seniors
at the fast food chains known as “senior sodas” – the discounts on a
certain day of the week at grocery and department stores and movie
theaters. Such announcements in the local papers make for good public
relations and obviously the companies don’t think we have the strength
to show up but we fool them every time!
And not once in the past two years have I heard the
words merger of equals, right-sizing, or that most popular of business
jargon - - synergy!
On the positive side, I enjoy getting up in the
morning, reading the paper with my spouse of 41 years and then going our
separate ways to exercise – she to the gym – me out for my five mile run
followed by a seven mile bike ride. Then both of us meet for lunch –
the highlight of my day!
Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best
part is observing my neighbors drive off to work in the morning knowing
that that their day will be filled with jerks, brainless and endless
meetings, jerks, vendor lunches where you hold your breath just waiting
for the sales pitch until you regurgitate your pasta, more jerks and the
eventual company reorganization of the section that was just reorganized
last month!
Retirement? I’m lovin’ it!
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