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Opining of a Cranky Old Man
It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Says Our Cranky Old
Man
He is mad, really mad and wants you to know the
reasons; they may be making you mad, too
By
Bill Kalmar, Retiree
 Feb.
10, 2009 - In the 1963 movie of the same name, a group of people search
for a fortune in hidden money and it demonstrates how human greed makes
it a hilarious if unnecessary race for something for nothing. Recent
stories in the news seem to present a repeat of this classic movie as
people are searching for their pile of gold and in some instances are
exhibiting the greed side of their personality. I think the following
stories will illustrate that:
L
Just finished filing my federal and state returns and fortunately we
will receive refunds in both cases. But in reading about the
President’s nominees for various offices in his administration it seems
we are the only ones who are paying taxes and filing correctly. Guess
if you live in Washington, DC there are different rules for filing. And
of course these same people have nannies and at times fail to pay taxes
for their services! On Sesame Street if the letter of the day were “G”,
the word would be “greed”!
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L
The peanut butter scare has taken over this nation! Now that we are
not eating any peanut products it points out how people with peanut
allergies have to skillfully navigate through each day for fear of a
reaction. The company that is responsible for this epidemic should be
put out of business!
L
And talk about greed, how about the woman who just had eight babies to
add to the six she already had. Now she wants millions of dollars for
her story. Frankly this is the height of irresponsibility both on her
part and that of her doctor who allowed her to impregnate herself with
multiple embryos. In my mind this is some type of a sick joke. It’s
almost as if the babies did not emerge from her womb but from a clown
car!
L
Good to see that Exxon is still making billions of dollars during the
gas crisis. Although their profits were down somewhat the company
continues to participate in the consumer shakedown. Sure, gas prices
have come down but just as inexplicably prices have gone up .45 cents a
gallon over the last couple of weeks. And of course when Memorial Day
arrives look for more increases! What a crock!
L
Bravo to Kellogg for severing ties with Michael Phelps – the marihuana
puffing half human - half dolphin. There should be no room in our
society for athletes who break the law and use illegal drugs! His other
sponsors who continue to laud him and provide him with endorsements
obviously have lower standards than Kellogg! This episode certainly has
tarnished the gold that was bestowed on him for the Olympics for coming
in first. In my mind he is still first – a first class jerk!
L
Went into Starbucks the other day around 2:00PM for a cup of decaf
coffee only to discover that only regular coffee is served after noon!
One can still order decaf but it has to be brewed and takes about four
minutes. Actually it’s not such a bad deal since the coffee is fresh.
The reps in Starbucks stated that it saves thousands of dollars, as
there is not a large demand for decaf especially in the afternoon. I
would think that there would be less of a demand for decaf in the
morning but maybe that’s why I am not a barrista.
L
With the economy in the dumpster there are few companies that are
surviving. Everyday news comes of another failure and thousands of
people being escorted into the unemployment lines. One company that is
doing very well though is Hershey Company where profits just jumped 51%
amid signs that consumers may be cutting back but not giving up
chocolate! Evidently we still want a bit of decadence in our lives and
who can blame us!
L On
the other side of the coin we learn that cheap hard liquor sales are up
in the Detroit area. And with unemployment over 10% in the state and
close to 20% in the city, people are drowning their sorrows in the
devil’s elixir. Maybe we could convince these imbibers that chocolate
is cheaper and the after effects are not as catastrophic!
L
And in a story that should be entitled “Aren’t They Just Glad To Be
Alive”, passengers on the U.S. Airways plane that crashed into the
Hudson River want to sue the airline. The airline did give everyone
$5,000 and a whole year of free upgrades but evidently these ingrates
want more. Shouldn’t a safe landing by a talented flight crew and the
ability to continue breathing be enough? Evidently not!
L
But not to be outdone we have Manny Ramirez who turned down $25 million
for a one-year contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers. He wants $100
million for four years. Actually all he needs is a new batting helmet!
The one he uses looks as if it was dragged through a pigsty. And if you
look up the word “greedy pig” in the dictionary his name and picture
appears. I have placed him in my Michael Phelps “jerk” list!
L
Talk about the height of irresponsibility! I’m not referring to the
baby machine in California who just jettisoned eight new offspring. I’m
talking about the scores of ice fishermen who needed rescue crews to
extricate them from the frozen waters of Lake Erie!
A flotilla of helicopters and airboats were summoned to remove these
dunderheads from an ice flow that broke loose from shore. The coast
guard and other police agencies risked their own lives for what – for a
group of minnow minded morons hell bent on catching the next day’s
dinner.
As each of these anglers was hoisted off the ice an invoice for $100
should have been placed in their tackle box. As such, just maybe their
fascination with poking a hole in the ice in search of Nemo and friends
will be scuttled. On the other hand, the melting ice which will
eventually deliver their snowmobiles and four-wheel vehicles and fishing
equipment to the depths of Lake Erie may be punishment enough!
As you can readily see I am mad, really mad and
maybe it’s time for me to be in a starring role in the remake of the
movie of the same name! And just maybe I can emulate the politicians in
D.C. by not paying taxes on my newfound success!
LBill Kalmar is retired in Lake Orion, Michigan,
and is the former Director of the Michigan Quality Council
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