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Senior Citizen Opinions & Analysis
A Retiree’s Lament: Stop The World I Want To Get Off!
Editor’s Note: Ever wonder why people often refer to
senior citizens as “cranky old men.” Read this column by our occasional
contributor, who is a retired senior.
By
Bill Kalmar, Retiree
 Dec.
31, 2008 - Well, it’s that time of the year again. The usual
number of prognosticators, soothsayers and mind readers are emerging
from their cocoons to tantalize us with those irritating lists, which
attempt to capture what was best in the past year and what we can expect
in 2009. While reading these lists I sometimes feel that I am living in
a parallel universe!
My question is: does anyone really put any credence
in these lists which the media treats as if they were inscribed on
tablets delivered to us by Moses? Comedian George Carlin said it best:
“Nobody seems to notice nobody seems to care”! Well said George
and count me in that category!
Inevitably we have a list of the “Best Movies of
the Year” and of course the people who categorize this list always throw
in a couple of movies that we the unwashed have never seen nor even
heard of. This in some fashion is to separate us from these all-knowing
movie gurus, at least in their mind.
Case in point are two cinematic offerings that were
on the list that I suspect few noticed - - “Boy A” and of course what
must be the twin of this epic – “Planet B Boy”.
The former is the story of a young lad just
released from prison for a murder he committed as a young child – the
latter about the “vibrant global resurgence of break-dancing with
compelling characters and vibrant dance”. Makes you want to jump in
your car and purchase a couple of movie ducats right now doesn’t it?
Give me a break!
Then we have to be subjected to Barbara Walter’s
“Most Fascinating People of the Year”. Obviously we are running out of
fascinating people when Will Smith and Tom Cruise have to be
resuscitated again for another appearance.
Of course Barbara had to outdo herself by
introducing us to Thomas Beatie. You know Beatie of course as the woman
er, man, er woman who is pregnant with her, er his, second child.
Beatie describes his situation as the “traditional family”. Beatie and
his so-called spouse must have missed the Sesame Street episode when the
letter of the day was “H” and the word was “hogwash”!
Let’s not ignore the “ins and outs” list, which
informs us what we should wear, buy, drink, or watch in 2009.
Do I care that cashmere is “in” and wool is “out”?
Must I succumb to the suggestion that wine is the
drink of choice and Bud Lite is passé? Just don’t eliminate my Gatorade
and I will be content!
And here’s one for you senior citizens. Guess
what? Retirement is “out” and working behind the counter at McDonalds
is “in”. On the other hand what with the state of our 401.k’s maybe
that is not too far from the truth!
And in so far as predictions for 2009 there are
numerous dealing with global warming, Victoria Beckham becoming pregnant
and Oprah Winfield running another marathon, but here is my favorite:
seems that the “real” Saddam Hussein will emerge from his spider hole
and emerge again as the leader of Iraq. If that’s the case maybe
Barbara Walters will consider him the most fascinating person of 2009!
Excuse me while I nauseate!
So all in all 2009 looks like another fascinating
year at least in the minds of the media. As for me, I’m ready to crawl
into Hussein’s spider hole once he emerges. Call me again when the year
is over!
Bill Kalmar is retired in Lake Orion, Michigan,
and is the former Director of the Michigan Quality Council
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