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Chinese Fare Better than Americans in Handling Grief
They feel bad but get over death of loved one more
quickly
Dec. 16, 2005- The Chinese typically fare better
emotionally than people in the U.S. when facing the loss of a loved one, in part because of ingrained
cultural attitudes that minimize the expression of negative emotions,
but also because of rituals that emphasize a continuing bond with lost
loved ones. This is the key finding in a study that compared grief
processing and grief avoidance of bereaved spouses and parents in the
U.S. and China.
“In this world nothing is certain but death and
taxes,” Benjamin Franklin once said. Yet, how we deal with those
certainties is a different story.
George Bonanno, Associate Professor of Psychology
and Education, has spent his career exploring emotional responses to
tragedy—from bereavement in response to the death of a close family
member to resilience in a traumatic situation. His new study is reported
in a recent article in The Journal of Consulting and Clinical
Psychology.
“Traditionally, Chinese people focus less attention
on the experience or expression of emotion,” Bonanno explained, citing
studies that say that in China it is shameful to oneself and one’s
family to express intensely negative or disturbing emotions. The Chinese
also have specific mourning rituals that prohibit any excessive
expression of grief.
“The belief is that your ancestors are somewhere
else and you still have a relationship with them,” Bonanno says.
Mourning practices are more about honoring and bringing comfort to the
deceased and helping them transition to the spirit realm. “They can
still influence your life,” he adds. So it is important to remain in
good standing with the dead by making offerings to them in exchange for
favors they might do for those still living. The focus of the death
rituals in China has nothing to do with feelings.
Bonanno’s previous work revealed that the more
Westerners think about the loss and process it, the worse they adjust to
it, because the focus of grief in Western countries is mainly on
accepting the finality of death and overcoming the emotional pain of
attachment to the person who is gone. In the West, Bonanno explained,
grief involves breaking the bond with the loved one. His research also
shows that, in the U.S., if the bond is maintained, the surviving
relative is worse off. Not so in China. In fact those who had lost a
loved one in China showed rapid recovery though initially they were
extremely distressed.
“Everyone feels pain after losing a loved one, but
for the Chinese, processing the loss was not about a psychological
experience,” Bonanno said. “They may feel bad, but they are doing it out
of obligation. They feel bad, but they get over it more quickly than
Americans.”
Initial death rituals in China are designed to
“send the deceased successfully to the land of the dead,” Bonanno said.
And since they are going to a place where dead people “live,” they will
need accoutrements to sustain them. Mourners present “gifts” at the
funeral in the form of paper objects—passports, currency, cars,
companions, houses, food—that are burned ceremoniously to be sent to the
deceased.
This process is ongoing because the bond with the
deceased is maintained. In China, people will go to a temple to honor
deceased ancestors by burning objects they think they need to provide
them with ongoing assistance.
Bonanno believes that their quick recovery can
perhaps be attributed to the clear and possibly comforting guidelines
for expressing grief and for not expressing it. It could also be that
the more communal aspect of Chinese rituals offer support from the
community and that grief processing is not experienced as an individual
endeavor as much as it is in the West.
“We might deal with loss better [in the West] if we
thought about it differently,” Bonnano says. “We worship independence
and earning capability, and we are at a loss when natural events
happen.” When we lose someone we are deeply attached to, there are
questions without clear answers. Where did the person go? Do they exist
somewhere else?
“Those are enormous questions that we don’t have
any vehicle to talk about,” Bonanno says. “Troubling issues of existence
are things we don’t deal with very much.”
While Bonanno is not suggesting a change in social
customs in the West, he does say that looking at other cultures can help
us understand what it is about various rituals of bereavement that allow
us to move on and why.
A videotaped interview with Professor Bonanno about
his research can be found on the Teachers College Web site at
http://quicktime.tc.columbia.edu/users/tcnews/bonanno/bonanno_china.qtl
Teachers College is the largest graduate school of
education in the nation. Teachers College is affiliated with Columbia
University, but it is legally and financially independent. The editors
of U.S. News and World Report have ranked Teachers College as one of the
leading graduate schools of education in the country.
Teachers College is dedicated to promoting equity
and excellence in education and overcoming the gap in educational access
and achievement between the most and least advantaged groups in this
country. Through scholarly programs of teaching, research, and service,
the College draws upon the expertise of a diverse community of faculty
in education, psychology and health, as well as students and staff from
across the country and around the world.
The Campaign for Educational Equity is the public
voice, and research and action arm of Teachers College, dedicated to
promoting equity through improved policy and practice.
For more information, visit the college’s Web site
at
http://www.tc.columbia.edu.
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