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Ethical Wills Leave a Spiritual, Philosophical
Legacy
By Ted Landphair, Voice of America
May 24, 2005 - About 45% of adult Americans have
prepared legal documents called "wills" that state how they wish their
money and property distributed when they die. Some people have also
prepared "living wills" that spell out what medical steps, if any, may
be taken to prolong their lives should they be unable to communicate. A
hospice in the Midwest state of Iowa teaches its dying patients about a
third kind of will that's much more philosophical and emotional.
It's called an "ethical will." The idea traces to
the first book of the Jewish and Christian bibles, in which the dying
Jacob gives his children what in Hebrew is called his tzava'ah, or
"spiritual estate." Passing along the wisdom, advice, and blessings of
elders is a familiar tradition in Native American and other cultures as
well.
At the
Hospice of Central Iowa in West Des Moines, staff member Joel Fry
helps patients prepare ethical -- or what some call "heritage" or
"legacy" -- wills. He explains, "What are some of the life lessons that
we have learned over the course of our lives . . . based on those
important times that we identify in our lives that were life-changing
events? Maybe birth of children, maybe marriage, maybe deaths. And then
what did those times teach us, and how did they all stack together into
who we are today?"
Mr. Fry says most people have a desire to leave
behind something more meaningful than material goods. "It may be those
opportunities to share where it is we came from, what we're about, why
we chose decisions that we chose or made decisions that we made
throughout our lives. It's an opportunity to deal with regret and
forgiveness."
Mr. Fry works with materials developed by Bruce
Baines, a Minnesota family physician, whose website,
www.ethicalwill.com, includes examples of ethical wills, such as
these thoughts of a 64-year-old widow:
"To you who are reading my Heritage Will: Please
know how important you are to me and how much I love you. Maybe God
should have arranged it so that we'd be 'older' first -- then younger --
so we could've used all that wisdom along the way . . ."
Roberta, or "Bert" Goodman, as she is known, is a
former nurse who volunteers at the Hospice of Central Iowa. Though an
ethical will has no monetary value, she calls it priceless. Ms. Goodman
says she jots down thoughts as they come to her -- on scraps of paper,
in notes to her children, even in the margins of telephone books. She's
saving them all in what are called "memory boxes." "I was raised with
the belief that every time I left the house, I represented my family,"
she says. "I represented my church. And I represented my country. Things
such as that. Things such as honesty, integrity, not lying, not cheating
-- standing up for what you believe."
Bert Goodman says she hopes her notes will help her
children think about their own life options . . . "their own values, put
a name to them, and discuss them with their own families -- and also
honor my wishes" . . . including her wish to die at home if possible,
rather than in a hospital, when the time comes.
Gary Burkhart, a nurse at the Hospice of Central
Iowa, is a former minister. He, too, is writing an ethical will in the
form of letters to his children. "I try to encourage them and tell them
how proud I am of them," he says, "rather than waiting until the end,
when I may not be able to do that. I want my kids to know who I am and
what I do think. "
Mr. Burkhart says the exercise has been
therapeutic: "It has helped me tremendously and has given me
satisfaction knowing that I have been able to express myself to my kids
and my family, my parents, about how I feel and where I'm at."
Joel Fry at the Hospice of Central Iowa points out
that one does not have to be an accomplished writer to compile an
ethical will. It can start with a simple timeline, or a list. "Just
number 1 through 30, the most important things in your life," he says.
"There are individuals who'll sit in front of a movie camera. Many times
I've had a movie camera going, and that's how they choose to do it."
The hospice workers say one of their saddest
experiences is watching patients rage against the steady loss of
independence -- their homes, the freedom to drive, even their memories.
All the more reason, say the staff members, that recording thoughts
about life's lessons and blessings should not be a matter left till
one's deathbed.
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