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Aging News & Information
As We Age We See Spouses as More Irritating and
Demanding Until Old Age
Senior citizens have least negative relationships
with spouses, children and friends
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Cartoon: Erik Kreps |
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Feb. 6, 2008 - While our relationships with
children and best friends tend to become less negative as we age, we’re
more likely to see our spouses as irritating and demanding. But once we
become senior citizens we seem to mellow out and all relationships
improve.
That’s according to a University of Michigan study
that analyzed long-term patterns of relationship negativity among more
than 800 adults ages 20 and older.
“There’s been a lot of research showing that
marriage and other close relationships enhance well-being,” said Kira
Birditt, a research fellow at the U-M Institute for Social Research (ISR).
“But less work has focused on the negative aspects of close
relationships."
Viewing our spouses more negatively over time may
not be all bad, Birditt says. In fact, it might even be, well, positive.
“As we age, and become closer and more comfortable
with one another, it could be that we’re more able to express ourselves
to each other. In other words, it’s possible that negativity is a normal
aspect of close relationships that include a great deal of daily
contact,” Birditt says.
For the analysis, presented late last year at the
annual meeting of the Gerontological Society of America, Birditt and
colleagues Lisa Jackey and Toni Antonucci looked at individual changes
over time and also at differences among people at different stages in
life— young, middle-aged and older adults.
Participants in the study were interviewed first in
1992 and again in 2005.
Participants were asked about the negativity of
their relationships with three key people in their lives: their spouse
or partner, a child, and a best friend. Specifically, they rated the
extent to which they agreed or disagreed with the following two
statements about each relationship:
● “My (spouse/partner, child, friend) gets on my nerves” and
● “My (spouse/partner, child, friend) makes too many demands on me.”
At both points in time, older adults (age
60-plus) had the least negative relationships with spouses, children and
friends. According to Birditt, this finding is consistent with other
research showing that older adults are likely to report less conflict
than do younger adults in their relationships.
Participants in their 20s and 30s reported having
the most negative relationships overall.
For all age groups, including adults in their 40s
and 50s, the spousal relationship was seen as the most negative and it
tended to increase in negativity over time.
“The increases in negativity over time may be
indicative of learned patterns of interaction which have been reinforced
and tend to persist over time,” Birditt said. “Other studies have found
that negative communication increases over time and relationship quality
decreases, especially after having children.”
“Interestingly, as relationships with spouses
become more negative, relationships with children and friends appear to
become less demanding and irritating over time.”
In future research, Birditt plans to study how the
way we respond to negativity influences well-being.
“How we respond to negativity in close
relationships affects every aspect of our lives – at work and at home,”
she said. “In fact, it’s likely that how we deal with it – not whether
it exists – is what really matters. One thing I’m interested in
exploring is how avoidance affects negativity over time.
“All kinds of research show that older people have
less negative relationships. And we also know that older adults are more
likely than younger people to report that they try to deal with conflict
by avoiding confrontations, rather than by discussing problems.
“That may be another reason that negativity tends
to increase over time in the relationship with a partner or spouse –
when you’re living together, it’s a lot harder to avoid each other.”
Notes:
Established in
1948, the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research (ISR) is
among the world’s oldest academic survey research organizations, and a
world leader in the development and application of social science
methodology. ISR conducts some of the most widely-cited studies in the
nation, including the Reuters/University of Michigan Surveys of
Consumers, the American National Election Studies, the Monitoring the
Future Study, the Panel Study of Income Dynamics, the Health and
Retirement Study, and the National Survey of Black Americans. ISR
researchers also collaborate with social scientists in more than 60
nations on the World Values Surveys and other projects, and the
Institute has established formal ties with universities in Poland, China
and South Africa. ISR is also home to the Inter-University Consortium
for Political and Social Research (ICPSR), the world’s largest
computerized social science data archive. Visit the ISR web site at
www.isr.umich.edu for more information.
Audio:
We see our children and best friends more positively—but our spouses
more negatively—as we age
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